Once again, I’m running

And by that, I mean, once again I’m not dealing with Certain aspects of my life because dealing with it stresses me out more than the stress of not dealing with it. So, here I am. Running. Again. I have this bad habit of avoiding things, like, for years, and regretting not dealing with them. Like now. The regret of the last two months is starting to hit me, but not enough for me to actually do something about it. 

I blame this “trait” on my parents. The King and Queen of avoiding things they don’t want to deal with. But, because of this inherited trait, at the moment I’m mostly avoiding my family, so…. it backfired. I guess you shouldn’t let your kids see you avoiding things. Like… the kid. 

I know I’m at an age now when I take responsibility for my own actions, so far, it hasn’t been too bad. But dealing with all of this had been hard to not take responsibility for. Until I started feeling resentful of my mother. Because I wanted her attention. 

I had barely talked to my mom in four months. I had so much to tell her. We had a 24 hour car ride/motel nap together. Me, her, and my youngest brother. 24 hours. 18 of which we were in a car, on the freeway. Half of all of this, we were in Kansas. With no signal, no turns, the occasional wind farm, and occasionally a truck stop. 900 miles together. And by the time we got out of Fort Collins I no longer had space to talk about the year I had had that she knew nothing about. I understood that she needed me to talk to. We had always been listening ears for each other. Always had been close. Things had been really bad the last year for both of us. I pushed first. I needed her to pull and instead she pushed too, and I kicked. 

So now here I am, hiding, running from things that stress me out. My main concern being spending the time I can with those I love and don’t stress me out. I’ve been staying with my girlfriend and our puppy, avoiding too many responsibilities, and developing more memories and freckles. I’ve had a pretty great summer. Despite getting a nasty ear infection, dealing with my family, and going absolutely broke, I’ve had a lot of fun too. I even did something I’ve been planning forever and have been too afraid to do, until last Friday when my girls mom said I want to go get a tattoo and I said me too, and we went.  This is my first tattoo and I can’t wait to get more. Eventually I want tattoo pants. So, on that positive note, I’m signing off.

-Jaile

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